Remarks of the Heart

The Grief

2009-10-15T06:18:13Z

The grief

There is nothing more treacherous then feeling nothing, losing hope on any given day. It was that day for our dear protagonist. Suddenly waking up to the sound of the alarm clock was crushing his soul into bits as he rolled in be attempting not to pay attention to the wakeup call of reality. By the third ring he knew he had to get up. Coffee sounded good right about this time. As he yawned his sleep away, he slowly walked towards the kitchen with the upmost energy of an iguana climbing up a tree. His beady eyes scavenged in the cupboards to grab the ground coffee. Without looking he pushed the on button for the coffee maker. His head was on auto pilot, experiencing actions in another place. He didn’t feel the necessity of getting back into bed, the sofa broke his fall as be belly flopped his way to comfort. He enjoyed the coolness of the leather couch, that coolness that gave his hollow head some healing.

A day in the life of despair.

-- - - - - - - - - -
Wrote this the beginning of the week in my comm notebook coz this week has been chaotic. Ths goes out to my friends in college because hell it's hard right now(sorry for the dark topic, it like makes the mood worsen :/). Like seriously, our university just dropped a big ass bomb on us. If someone has more then 90 units then they cannot change their major, add minor, certificate double major. They are kicking out people that have more then 140 units over their declared major. They are forcing people to stick to their major that they now hate/cannot handle. They are forcing people to graduate. period. California legislation, why the fuck did you take our money first? We are the fucking future. Pursuit of happiness my ass.

It's been raining.

anselik @ 2008-12-18T21:57:00

2008-12-19T06:01:03Z

KRISTINA IS A WHINER AND A BRAT!

I love you but stop it with the tantrums. you already took yuuya D:

WHINER!

reason:=>

Delicous~!!

2008-09-06T08:21:56Z

Title: Delicious~!!
From: Furumura Daisuke(guitar)
Date: 2008.9.05
-------------------------

Today after rehearsal got treated at a neighborhood sushi shop~!

Seeing[1] 2 days continuation of sushi.

The drumstick hits ne.[2]
Good...
Sometimes it's extravehicular and not possible to pass by!

original
------------------------

今日はリハ後に近くの寿司屋でご馳走だ～！
みっちゃん2日連続で寿司だって。バチがあたるね。
美味い…。たまには贅沢したっていいじゃない！

---------------------

comment:
[1] could be referring to the vocalist Mitsumura, not sure yet. Also could be "seeing" in a cute way?. Gah!
[2] I dunno if I did this right, so lost on that line.
helps! Anways, I am gonna start translating NICO touches the Walls blogs! My Japanese knowledge is so lacking here so I am doing my best!

AH!

2007-08-30T09:36:47Z

Holy smackers! it's raining in California! Yes!

Now I need to go buy a new umbrella for unvi.

And I think the TSUBASA pictures are released! I just saw Saga looking very seductive on an icon with the blue costume o.o

EDIT: It is just me being blind. It's just Saga being seductive but not in the TSUBASA costume. I hear Thunder outside o.o Wow, the temperature is messed up right now. . . And there is no Raspberry Casis at Starbucks. Nao, you lied to me (cries)

University

2007-08-30T08:06:25Z

I just opened e-mail and found an e-mail from my Japanese instructor. Wow, I need textbook ASAP for university this Tuesday o.o i also need a workbook, that darn thing is gone though! what the hell am I going to do?! Oh yeah , my instructor sudeenly changed from Hayashi to Douglas. O.o I hope she is not mean. . . . Her e-mail sounded nice. At least she e-mailed us. See, she cares, right?

I am still tense and nervous , but I met wonderful people today at the DSS(Disabled Serviles, ha I need to know what it stands for @@) orientation.

Did you know that you can receive extra credit from teachers if they know that you are trying your best? People, look alive!

90% of people in this program have gratuaded.
45% of regular students have gradated. Nice statistics ,ne?

More pressure but I have support from this wonderful organization that was created 35 years ago.

Also, I am going to be on as much come university rolls next week. I will reply as soon as possible. I wish everyone a happy return to school day whee you will meet new friends and learn new things that you have not learned before. Like for example, Tuscon, Arizona is 115 degrees o.o It does not cool down at night either. I am grateful I live in Cali, even though it is hot and I do not want a tan since I am already tanned o.o

Oyasumi!

LUNAR ECLIPSE

2007-08-28T09:49:37Z

"Sky gazers can catch a glimpse of the lunar eclipse during the earlier morning hours on Tuesday.

According to space.com, West Coast viewers will get the best show as the entire eclipse will be visible from beginning to end before moonset Tuesday.

If you want to see the spectacular show, they say it will happen at approximately 1:52 a.m. and end at 4:22 a.m.

A lunar eclipse happens when the Earth gets directly between the sun and the moon, blocking the light that normally reflects off the moon.

This will be the second total lunar eclipse of 2007." (msnbc.com)

I think you all know what I am doing XD

Emotions

2007-08-28T08:19:11Z

Good morning ♪

Look what's outside my backyard! I sneaked out of my room and opened the back door and took a picture! It was staring right at me with its captivating rays of light from the heavens!

LUNA SEA is returning to the stage! They picked a perfect day to announce it since the LUNA is out. They are performing in the Toyko Dome! Aki is excited and so am I! There is no effin' way I can go so I wish them luck from here! I will go post in SUGIZO blog!(I think o.o)

EDIT: IT IS A LUNAR ECLIPSE! I was informed of this because of the news. yeah. So purdy. I wanna go outside~

This is very good news right now, since I had a tragic say today. So many family issues. My eyes hurt from crying. I wish I could cry of happiness but alas I have no more tears to shed. Life is frustrating. Second time breaking down this year, a world record for me. I usually hold them in but I could not anymore. I gave up. The pressure of university starting for me, the change of being an adult thing&even though this is not true. It is society telling me that I am now an adult therefore I can take care of myself thing), the idea of starting a family bombarding my brain, and now parents and their expectations for the future, this all comes crashing and I cannot take the large amount of emotions all in at once.

Oh, yeah one of my eyes feels stiff because of the botox. Nice surgery for me. I saw my plastic eye surgeon for the last time. He is going to New York and I will never see him again. This made me sad as well. He did a frickin good job with my eyelids. Now I will patiently await my new cornea on the left eye and such for my vision to get better so that one day I will not be a burden to anyone and I can drive my own car and blast jrock music (specifically alice nine.)out the window!

Hehe, this made me happy today ♪

Ah, I love these three idiots! ^_^ Took it from, Eto, Shou's blog? I hope he gets better. He has a cold. not good >.

Essence of Delight in a Ship Wreck Situation - oneshot

2007-08-25T06:46:49Z

Title: Essence of Delight in a Ship Wreck Situation - oneshot
Author: Forsyte anselik
Editor: shiroppumusume
Pairing: Saga/Shou
Theme: 100fics4u #91- Teddy Bear
Rating:PG-13
Disclaimer: I definitely do not own alice nine. Hell, I cannot even afford ice cream (cries)
Summary: The Hospital
Comments: I have to get crackin’ on those themes, I have 99 more to go! Huh . . . 99 . . . that is a big number (@_@)

The sound of wheels in motion swept through the white corridors of the hospital as beds were being relocated. The stench of medicine instantly hit Shou’s senses as he entered into the place he most dreaded. He kept his eyes shut as he was lead into a hospital room where a bed was patiently waiting for him. A nurse handed him disposable pajamas to put on. His hands trembled as he stripped his shirt away from his warm body. Cold chills ran down his spine as he felt the breeze of the air conditioning system in the hospital take effect on his sensitive structure. He let out a small gasp when someone opened the door without knocking.

“Shou, are you done?”

Saga walked in and closed the door. He instantly noticed that the blond was partly naked. He looked away as a blush started creeping on his cheeks.

“No-no, I am not done!” Shou said as his face turned red.

“I can see that.” replied Saga as he took a seat on a chair next to the door while attempting to give some privacy to the other man. Shou looked away from the brunet. He decided that the task of putting on his hospital clothes was the best solution to eliminating the busy thought over the male sitting by the door. He unzipped his pants and took them off. He laid them on the bed and then with hesitation slipped off his black boxers. He did not understand why the nurse had to tell him to take off all of his clothes, including his undergarments. ‘This is stupid,’ his mind thought as he placed his boxers next to his pants. He reached for the dotted, blue-patterned pants and slipped them on, tightening them from the back.

As Shou took off his garments, the brunet couldn’t help but to take quick glances at the other. However, he made sure to quickly look away as he felt the gaze of his loved one travel his direction. He could not stop thinking about how wonderful Shou looked with those pajamas. Frankly, he thought the other looked good in everything.

“Saga, could you help me?” Shou asked in a loud voice that rang throughout the room, shaking it if possible. Saga flinched a little as the request pained his eardrum. He knew that his love was frightened to death with his presence there.

“Shou, that was a bit loud, don’t you think?” Saga questioned as he stood up and walked towards the blond. Shou merely looked at Saga with an irritated expression upon his lovely complexion. Shou roughly shoved the blue garment that was supposed to be a nightgown onto his lover’s hands.

“Tie it in the back for me.”

Saga did not respond. He slipped the sleeves into Shou’s arms and then proceeded to the back and tied the strings so that the garment wouldn’t fall off his lover. He felt Shou shift his weight around and start to do a little dance as he tied the last string. He knew that the blond was growing impatient.

“Love, calm down.” Saga cooed as he took hold of Shou and wrapped his arms around the other’s waist. He planted a soft kiss on Shou’s cheek. Shou’s muscles tensed as he felt the contact. Saga stroked his arm in order to calm down the vocalist.

“Saga, remind me why I have to go through with this?” Shou said as he attempted to relax in Saga’s embrace. His head hanged low and did not dare look Saga in the eye.

Saga sighed. He knew he did not like to see his love uncomfortable, but at times like these he had no choice. Life was an interesting subject in which anything could happen in a matter of seconds.

“Because you have a fish bone in your throat. You wanted this, anyways. They gave you an option, love. They told you that it was ok to go home.”

“But it is not my fault! Did you hear that nurse? That fish bone can come down through my esophagus and damage my heart! Do you want my heart to be stabbed in the inside so I die and leave you alone?” Shou explained hysterically as he flung his arms around Saga’s neck.

“You’re exaggerating, Shou.” said Saga as he massaged Shou’s back. He wanted to calm down the blond, but how could he? He felt Shou suddenly relax again. The blond placed his head against Saga’s shoulder and loudly took in a breath of air.

“Sagacchi, I’m hungry. I want cherries.” Shou stated as he looked up with his big brown eyes directly at Saga.

“You know you are not supposed to eat anything.” Saga said as he looked back at Shou and raised one of his thin eyebrows warningly.

“But it’s been long enough! I’m hungry!”

“No food. Doctor’s orders. You can’t have any food or liquid before you get put to sleep. We can eat later when you’re recovered.” Saga said as he stroked Shou’s back “We can go buy ramen.”

The blond gazed up at the brunet with his immense brown eyes, big enough to engulf them both. He blinked a couple of times, for the light bothered him. His eyes were filled with concern, pain, and impatience.

“Will you feed it to me?”

Saga chuckled at the childish question that Shou fed him.

“Of course, Shou-kun.”

This action did not help, however, as Shou pushed Saga off and took a seat on the hospital bed. Saga stared back at the man. He was acting like a child! Then, suddenly, an idea struck the bassists.

“Shou, I will be right back.” Saga told him as he inched closer to Shou, bent down, and gave him a delicate kiss on the forehead. Shou whimpered as Saga left his side and made his way to the door.

“Saga—”

“I am not leaving you. I will be right back, ok? Trust me.”

Shou did not have enough time to reply as the brunet immediately left the room. He wondered what the bassist was up to. Maybe he was calling the other members to tell them what had happened. Yes, he had to do that. But why be mysterious about it? He pondered about Saga’s actions as he laid himself back unto the rough, hard, hospital pillows and raised the hospital blanket up to his neck. He did not have his trusted PSP with him, so the only thing he could do was to either stare at the ceiling and count the tile or fall asleep. His eyelids closed as he felt fatigue overcome him.

********

“Saga, I do not want to eat fish! That thing is disgusting!” Shou sneered as he pushed the other’s chopsticks aside. He glared at Saga as the bassists laughed out loud.

“Shou-kun, it is only fish.”

“I do not want to eat it.”

“Shou, just try it.”

“Hell no!”

The brunet attempted to force the vocalist to eat, but every time he tried to put a hand on Shou’s face the blond would turn his head in the opposite direction, frustrated.

“I dare you to eat it then!”

“I am not a child. I will not be dared to do anything.” Shou said as he looked at Saga directly in the eyes. He held a fierce gaze of determination.

“Fine, you are not getting any.” Saga said as he put the chopsticks that held some of the same delicious fish currently in his mouth.

“Get any of what?” Shou rose an eyebrow, “What am I suppose to get?”

“Nah, forget about it.” Saga said as he yawned and placed his head on his hand.

“Sacchi, tell me!” Shou half whined, “I want to know!”

“Shou, love, do you think that the new nickname will help pressure your present out of me?”

Shou pouted. Saga always liked to tease him. He liked to see the blond angry, it made him cuter.

Saga closed his eyes as he processed the situation before him. He could tell Shou his plans for tonight, but he wanted the vocalist to at least try the food at the restaurant first. He needed to change his opinion of fish, anyway. It was quite tasty. He pondered over whether his plan of taking Shou to dinner and then taking him home to a candle-lit apartment where a table full of wine awaited them would satisfy the vocalist. He wanted his first year anniversary to be perfect in every possible way. Shou always complained that he was not romantic enough. He knew the vocalist was merely joking, but he wanted Shou to feel courted, to feel that butterfly feeling that the brunette was feeling right at this moment.

Shou looked at the closed-eyed figure before him. Making an effort did seem like a hard task, but he could at least do it this time, for Saga. Saga did say it was good, so if he said it was good then why not give it a try? Shou pondered the thought and then decided. He looked at Saga with his brown eyes and spoke.

“Fine, I will try it.”

Saga immediately opened his eyes. He looked at Shou and then grabbed the chopsticks besides him and took a piece of the fish he had on his plate.

“Alright, open wide, Shouko.” Saga said as he cupped his hand under Shou’s chin incase the blond spilled food from his mouth.

“Shouko?”

“What? Am I not allowed to call you different names? After all, you did call me Sacchi right now.”

“Point taken.” Shou said as he leaned in to take the fish into his mouth. He quickly chewed and tried to swallow the fish as fast as he could. He did not want his taste buds to taste the flavor. He gulped down the fish. Then, all of a sudden, the blond started to cough. Saga patted his back as he saw the man coughing. Shou thought he was going to vomit the fish out.

“It was not that bad, Shouko!” Saga said.

Shou grabbed one of Saga’s hands to prevent him from patting him on the back.

“Saga, I think a fish bone is caught in my throat!” Shou exclaimed with a whimper as he put a hand to his mouth.

Saga stared at the man before him in awe. His anniversary was ruined.

********

Blinking his big eyes in order to adjust to the light, Shou woke up from his nap. He yawned and stretched his arms towards the ceiling, for his muscles felt tensed. He slowly scanned the room and then noticed another figure. It was Saga, asleep. He saw his sleeping lover seated on a chair next to the door. His head was leaning on the wall. He chuckled as he saw the sight of his aficionado sleeping uncomfortably. Saga shifted in the seat. A frustrated sound came out of his mouth. The blond did not have the nerve to wake him up. He felt a little guilty for being a coward at this very moment. He wished he had courage, but fear took the better of him. He did not like the stench of the sterilized vicinity that he was currently in. Everything colored white did not help either. He felt he was in limbo waiting to be sent to heaven.

The door opened and gave Saga a startle. He jumped on his seat from the shock. Shou looked up to see the person coming into the room.

“What? What happened?” Saga said with a yawn. He rubbed his eyes to get a better focus of his surroundings.

“Time to get you going, Kohara-san.” a cheery nurse said as she entered with a cart in front of her. The wheels screeched on the ground as it moved closer towards Shou.

Shou looked at the nurse and then at Saga. What was going to happen? He held a look of confusion.

“Ok, Kohara-san, please give me your right arm.” said the nurse as she settled the cart next to the bed and started taking out medical instruments and cotton.

Shou raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you need my right arm for?”

His answer was answered when he caught sight of something brightly shinning with the aid of the artificial light in the room.

“No-not right now. Does it have to be right now?” Shou asked, terrified, as his breath quickened. He did not want this right now. He hated the pain.

“It is easier to put this on so you will be ready for the operating room. Kohara-san, please give me your arm.”

Shou whimpered. He did not want to show he was a coward, but fear overtook him. He hated that vile object. No way in hell was it touching his skin. He felt nauseous.

“Shou, please give her your hand. You were growing impatient, anyways. They can give you some medicine in the IV so you can calm down.” Saga assured as he got closer towards Shou’s bed. Saga attempted to insert his hand into Shou’s in order to calm him down but he was flatly rejected as Shou smacked it away.

“Love, you are making it harder. You are over exaggerating.”

Shou widened his eyes. He glared at Saga from his position. Did he not know he was being victimized, or did he miss the memo?

“How would you feel if a needle, a needle was inserted into your skin? That pointy object stabbing you to death! It hurts like hell!”

Saga sighed; this was going to be hard. The brunet looked at the nurse. He was going to try to fix this problem no matter what.

“Can you give us five minutes? I think I can calm him down.” Saga said as he looked at the nurse and then back at Shou. The blond was now lying on his side and glaring at the white wall.

“Alright. I will be back in five minutes then.” the nurse smiled and walked out the door.

The brunet looked back at his lover. It was time to bring out the idea he had earlier. He turned and walked back to the chair he was sleeping on earlier. He picked up a bag that was settled on the floor. Then, he went back and sat at the edge of the hospital bed.

“Love, you have to go through with this. It is not that hard.” Saga said as sat down on the bed next to Shou. The blond frowned.

“Easier said then done, Saga.”

Shou heard rustling. He wondered what Saga was doing. Did he bring him food? Did he sneak in instant ramen from the convenience store? He was curious so he allowed himself to roll 180 degrees to the opposite side so as to get a better view of Saga. His eyes met Saga taking out what looked like, brown fur?

“I know that you are having a rough time being here. So I bought you something from the gift shop. I was going to get you something to read, because you love to read, but then this caught my eye.” explained Saga as he completely unveiled the mysterious present. Shou gasped.

“You bought me a teddy bear?” Shou said as he looked at the furry object that Saga held in his hand. Its round face looked directly at Shou.

“Yes, yes I did. I did not know what to–”

He did not have to finish his sentence—Shou wrapped his arms around Saga. The brunet, in turn, put his own arms around Shou’s waist.

“You can hold it as much as you want when I am not around. You can take it to the operating room and—”

“Saga?”

“Yes?”

Shou took hold of the medium-sized, brown teddy bear with a lace collar around its neck and held it to his chest as he held on to Saga with his spare arm.

“You are amazing. At times, you are a pervert, but, you are a romantic at heart.” Shou smiled as he pulled himself up and sweetly kissed Saga on the lips. Even if this day was going to be hell for the blond, he did not want to spend it with any other person that wasn’t his soft hearted Sagacchi.

Notes: I wrote this before my surgery on Tuesday. I seem to get inspired by life situations o.o Thank you editor for editing! She is back from her hiatus! We are working on a partnership so wait for that! It's coming soon! Please comment if you like! Feedback is love ♥

Essence of Happiness in a Ship Wreck Situation - oneshot

2007-08-21T16:55:44Z

Title: Essence of Happiness in a Ship Wreck Situation
Pairing: Saga/Shou
Theme: 100fics4u #91- Teddy Bear
Rating:PG-13
Disclaimer: I definitely do not own alice nine. Hell, I cannot even afford ice cream (cries)
Summary: The Hospital
Comments: I have to get crackin’ on those themes, I have 99 more to go! Huh . . . 99 . . . that is a big number (@_@)

The sound of movable beds with wheels swept through the white corridors of the hospital. The smell of medicine hit Shou’s nose as he instantly went into the place that he dreaded the most. He kept his eyes shut as he was lead into a hospital room where a bed was waiting for him. A nurse gave him disposable pajamas to put on. His hands trembled as he striped his shirt away from his warm body. Cold chills ran down his body as he felt the breeze of the air conditioning system in the hospital take effect on his sensitive structure. He let out a gasp as someone opened the door of the room.

“Shou are you done?” Saga walked into the room and closed the door. He instantly saw that the blond was partly naked. He looked away as a blush started creeping on his cheeks.

“No-no , I am not done” Shou said as his face turned red.

“I can see that” replied Saga as he took a seat on a chair next to the door while attempting to give some privacy to the other man. Shou looked away from the brunette. He decided that the task of putting on hospitals clothes is the beast way to take off the thought of the man sitting right next to the door would be a good idea. He unzipped his pants and took them off. He laid them on the bed and then with hesitation took off his black boxers. He did not understand why the nurse had to tell him to take all of his clothes, including his undergarments. This is a futile thing his mind thought as he put his boxers next to his pants. He reached for the dotted blue patterned pants and slipped them on tightening them from the back.

While Shgou took off his garments, the brunette took quick glances of Shou taking off his clothes, but he quickly looked away as he felt the gaze of his loved one travel to the direction of his seated figure. He could not stop thinking about how wonderful Shou looked with those pajamas. Frankly, he thought he looked good in everything.

“Saga, could you help me?” Shou said in a loud voice that rang through the room. Saga flinched a little as he heard the request. He knew that the his love was frightened to death that he was here.

‘Love, that was a bit loud. Don’t you think?” Saga questioned as he stood up and walked towards the blond. Shou merely looked at Saga with an irritated expression upon his lovely complexion.

“Love, calm down” Saga cooed as he took hold of Shou and wrapped his arms around Shou’s waist. He planted a soft kiss on Shou’s cheek. Shou’s muscles tensed as he felt the contact. Saga stroked his arm in order to calm down the vocalist.

“Saga, remind me why I have to go through this?” Shou said as he attempted to relax in Saga’s embrace. His head hanged low and did not dare look at Saga in the eye.

Saga sighed. He knew he did not like to see his love uncomfortable, but at times like these he had no choice. Life is an interesting subject where anything can happen in a matter f seconds.

“Because you have a fish bone in your throat. You wanted this anyways. They gave you an option, love. They told you that it was ok to go home”

“But it is not my fault! Did you hear that nurse? That fish bone can come through my esophagus and damage my heart. Do you want my heart to be stabbed in the inside and then I die and leave you alone?” Shou said with a hysterical voice as he flung his arms around Saga’s neck.

“You’re exaggerating Shou” said Saga as his messaged Shou’s back. He wanted to calm down the blond, but how can he? He felt Shou relax again. The blond put his head against Saga’s shoulder and took in a loud breathe of air.

“Sagacchi, I’m hungry. I want cherries” Shou said as he looked up with his big brown eyes directly at Saga.

“You know you are not support to eat anything” Saga said as he looked back at Shou and raised one of his thin eyebrows.

“But it’s been long enough! I’m hungry”

“No food. Doctor’s orders. You can’t have any food or liquid before anesthetics. We can eat later when you are recovered” Saga said as he stroked Shou’s back “we can go buy ramen.”

This action did not help however as Shou pushed Saga off and took a seat on the hospital bed. Saga stred back at the man. He was acting like a child! Then suddenly an idea struck the bassists.

“Shou, I will be right back” Saga said as he inched closer to Shou, bent down, and gave him a delicate kiss on the forehead. Shou whimpered as Saga left his side and made his way to the door.

“Saga-“

“I am not leaving you. I will be right back, ok? Trust me”

Shou did not have enough time to reply to Saga as the brunette immediately left the room. He wondered what the bassist was up to. Maybe he was calling the other members to tell them what happened. Yes, he had to do that. But why be mysterious about it? He pondered about Saga actions as he laid himself back unto the rough, hard hospital pillows and raised the hospital blanket up to his neck. His eyelids closed as he felt sleep overcome him.

*******

Blinking his big eyes in order to adjust to the light, Shou woke up from his nap. He yawned and stretched his arms towards the sky for his muscles felt tensed. He slowly scanned the room and then noticed another figure. It was Saga, asleep. He saw a sleeping Saga seated on a chair next to the door. His head was leaning on the wall. He chuckled as he saw the sight of his lover sleeping uncomfortably. Saga shifted in the seat. A frustrated sound came out of his mouth.

The door opened and gave Saga a startle. He jumped on his seat from the chock of moment next to him.

“What? What happened” Saga said with a yawn. He rubbed his eyes to get a better focus of his surroundings.

“Time to get you going Koahar-san” a cheery nurse said as she entered with a cart in front of her. The wheels screeched on the ground as it moved closer towards Shou.

Shou looked at the nurase and then at saga. What was going to happened. He held a loo of obber confusion.

“Ok, Kohara-san, please give me your right arm” said the nurse as she seattled the cart next to the bed and started taking out medical instruments and such.

Shou raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you need my right arm for?”

His answer was answered when he caught sight of something shine with the artifiiical light of the room.

“No-not right now. Does it have to be right now/’ shou said as his breathe quickened. He did not want this right now. He hated the pain.

“It is easier to put this on so you will be ready for the operatuing room. Kohara-san. Please give me your arm.

Shou whimpered. He did not want to show he e\was a coward, but his fear took over him. He hated that vile object. It was touching his skin. No way in hell. He felt nauseous.

“Shou, please give her your hand. You were growing impatient anyways” saga said as got closer towards Shou’s bed. Saga attempted to put his hand on Shou’s in order to calm him down but he was flatly rejected as Shou smacked it away.

“Love, you are making it harder. You are over exaggerating”

Shou widened his eyes. He glared at Saga from his position. Did he not know he was being victimized, or did he miss the memo?

“How would you feel if a needle, a >needle was inserted into your skin? It hurts like hell!”

Saga sighed,. This was going to be hard. The brunette looked at the nurse. He was going to try to fix this problem.

“Can you give us five minutes? I think I can calm him down” Saga said as he lookedat the nurse and then back at Shou. The blonde was now lying on his side and glaring at the white wall.

“Alright. I will be back in five minutes then” the nurse smiled and walked out the door.

The brunette looked back at his lover. It was time to bring out the idea he had earlier. He turned and went back to the chair he was sleeping on earlier. He picked up a bag that was settled on the floor. He moved closer to Shou.

“Love, you have to go throw with this. It is not that hard” Saga said as sat down on the bed next to Shou. The blond frowned.

“Easier said then done Saga”

Shou heard rustling. He wondered what Saga was doing. Did he bring him food? He was curious so he let himself roll to the other side to get a better view of Saga. His eyes met Saga taking out what looked like , borwn fur?

“I know that you are having a rough time being here. So I bought you something from the gift shop. I was going to get you something to read, because you love to read, but then this caught my eye” said Saga as he fully took out the mysterious present. Shou gasped as he saw what it was.

“You bought me a teddy bear?’

‘Yes, yes I did. I did not know what to –“

He did not have to finish his sentence as Shou wrapped his arms around Saga. put his arms around Shou’s waist.

“You can hold it as much as you want when I am not around. You can take it to the operating room and-“

‘Saga?”

“Yes? “

Shou took hold of the medium sized brown teddy bear with a lace collar around it’s neck and held it to his chest as he held on to Saga with his other arm.

“You are amazing. At times you are a pervert, but you are a romantic at heart” Shou said as he pulled himself up and sweetly kissed Saga on the lips. Even if this day was going to be hell for the blond, he did not want to spend it with any other person, with his soft hearted Sagacchi.

Notes; Shoot, I have to go! Sorry for the grammar. I am typing at very fast speed right now. I got distracted with manga! See you people laters. I will miss you. Editor fix this story up. It is roughly written! Oh and sorry for the fluff? I cannot think straight and nothing creative came to mind with the theme of teddy bear. Sorry. Please comment if you like! I think i wrote this in four houras o.o this thing needs editing ..

Pouring my nervousness out!

2007-08-16T04:20:37Z

alright people be aware of the Jesse rant1 I am not kidding with you, I am high on ice cream sugar and nervousness!

Ok , so I got a call today from the doctor's office. I have a surgery scheduled for the 21st of August. I am going to get my eye lid reconstructed for the third time on my right eye. Why is this happening?

My plastic surgeon is leaving me forever and going to a different state (T.T) So he has to operate on me in the last weeks that he is here. He is worried that my eyelashes will affect my new cornea and kill it like they did to the last one. All for the sake of my vision. I do not think it is a long recovery.

So let's see if I can finish at least one chapter for all my fanfics. That is a lot of chapters (@@)

In case something happens to me in the operating room, my will is on the back of my bookshelf. Liz, I leave you my unfinished works. This is normal, I always say this before I go into surgery. Think of it like a simple tradition. I am dreading the freakin' iv though. I hate those needles, they are too shiny and pointy. . .

Alright, me have to finish my friend's present! Wow, i am going to post a picture later1 Just because I feel like it XD

Ow!

2007-08-15T09:24:14Z

Hello! i am here to bug everyone again!

Well, I am trying to update every account online that I have and I share with shiroppumusume, my editor an companion.. It is hard work >.< WHY do I have so many? Oh, yeah, friends. That is the reason!

I added a new pic for my profile on lj, so here it is!

I went to Tokyo in the Lakewood mall today and I remembered the time when I bought my first cd!

Isn't it lovely?

I am writing more ficcies so anticipate for that!

Alright, I am going. . . I am going blind ~(=.=)~

NEW ARCHIVE!

2007-08-15T06:46:15Z

I am pimping my new fanfiction journal archive that I share with my mentor, confidant, my editor, my friend, Liz! Thank you for your hard work. Please take care if me! m(_ _)m

Please visit and add us! we are working hard to bring you the best of our creative minds!

hesperides_inc

The Joy of University

2007-08-14T00:53:39Z

Ah, I think it has been five minutes. . . o.o

Huh, so today I went to the University bookstore.

Liz and I went looking for our texts and we had no idea how to look. Their were books for classes that we had but the thing is, you are only support to get the books that correspond to your section. Hehe, so far my classes have no books!

They are not in the shelves T.T

I have no idea when they will be there. I found philosophy and math, actually part of it but that is all.

I was thinking of posting something, I dunno if I should post it though. I have to think clearly at the moment.

Good Morning!♪

2007-08-12T07:29:18Z

Well, I have been neglecting reading all the alice nine blogs that they have even produced

So now I am doing that . . . (@.@)

Discovered new things, some old, some funny, some sad

My eyes hurt o(=.=)o

huh, Shou called Nao onii-kei

It means brother fashion

"Onii-kei Essentials
Onii-kei combines the styles known in Japanese as Ame-kaji ("American casual") and Ita-kaji ("Italian casual") with rocker touches to create a glamorous, sexy look. Onii-kei men are designer label fanatics who complete their outfits with belts, waist pouches, watches, sunglasses, and other accessories from world-famous brands. Also essential to the onii-kei look is the teased shag haircut known as "wolf hair," fastidiously groomed and complemented by scented products."

That would be nice if I had a boyfriend like that o(^^;)o Just, uh, scratch the label fanatics, umm, I do not want him to be broke.

It is true‼ ♪

When I done,(I have only read all of October and December 2006(T.T)) I will do SID and then 176BIZ and Ayabie. . . ai, that is going to hurt O.o Good thing I already read the recent ones! I do not think that will help me though. . .

Oyasumi!

P.S I will hit college mood, soon! I am going to college and the thought of it is freakin' me out to an extent where I start shaking o.o. I visited and I started shaking in the car, I might need conseling, this is sad.

WALL|-.-)~

Before I Leave

2007-08-08T17:25:06Z

AHHHH~! They found my Gackt and Shou pictures on myspace!

(gasp) I love her fan fiction (T.T)

This quiz is interesting, with the fanart and all XD

Thank you seungjea for the quiz on your journal!

Before I go to Sleep

2007-08-08T08:18:13Z

Innocent Uke
Take Are you a Seme or an Uke? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.</p>

Cute and sweet, and most gentle of all uke. Whips and chains are not for you - you just want someone to love you. You are often spotted in candy shops wearing furry kitty ears, where you are sure to be noticed by the Romantic Seme whose protective instincts will kick in and will only want to take you home and love and protect you. And you of course will be more than happy to spend the rest of your life baking cookies for your seme. Now you can get pins of your result here.

ok, now sleep. I have an evaluation test tomorrow >.< I am dragging Liz with me. This test will see if I can handle going on the bus. I will post about it later.

Fanfiction anyone?

2007-07-29T06:45:30Z

Well, I feel like posting. I am taking a break from writing my fanfics. Yes, I have progressed with all of them, but yet I am not done. . . I started a new one for the hell of it. I am now going to post an insert(is that the right word? I am doubting this) from the high school one I am working on. Can you guess who the characters are? Let's see what you guys think. Mind you I have not edited this thing to the fullest of my ability.

Title: Side Tracked
Rating: PG-13(for now)
Summary: There are times where the only thing that matters is putting down your thoughts unto a piece of paper not caring what else happens outside of reality. Shou wants to become the next novelist but will certain events in his life side track him from his goal?
(summary needs to be edited. I will fix that later)

Chapter One: Concentration

“Nothing is flowing”, Shou said as he put his pencil down on the table that he diligently worked on top of. His mind did not seem to be functioning properly since the past few days. With frustration, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his hands attempting to be rid of the sleep he detained from previous night. He held a notion that if he used his glasses inspiration came flowing through his mind. He stared at a paper resting on his desk as if attempting to turn the tree resource into ash. A sigh of disappointment surfaced though his mouth. His eyes glared at the material with elegant characters. No paper turning into biodegradable ruminants yet. In his opinion, the universe was against him at this current moment. He knew that he had the idea in his mind to write an astounding novel, but somehow when he sat down to write his thoughts nothing came to him. His mind became blank.

“Damn it, I am going back to school soon and I have nothing, not even a paragraph”, he exclaimed to himself. He suddenly heard an unexpected creek of a window opening behind him. He only imagine one person who could barge in at this time of day. As he sighed again for the 30th time he slightly tuned to face the new comer.

“Tora, what the hell are you doing here at 4 am in the morning?” Shou questioned as he saw his tall friend attempt to get inside his room by means of climbing a tree and jumping through the window.

“I was bored” said Tora with a bored expression. He took off his jacket and threw it on the untouched bed.
“I see you haven’t slept” black tiger-like eyes scanned through the room examining the living conditions of the blond. At times, Shou thought, his friend had the tendency to be carefree. He barged into anywhere leaving his possessions everywhere without asking permission.

‘Yes, well. I am trying to write my novel at the moment, so no I can’t sleep”, said Shou “What about you? Did cockroaches infest your room making you scream in terror and come to my room for comfort?”

“What the hell is up your ass? Or maybe you’re lacking in that department” Tora questioned with a smirk plastered on his place. The blond’s face insistently became red. Tora saw the instant change from anger to embarrassment on his companions face even though the only light visible was a lamp light right next to the infuriated teen. It never seemed to amaze him how he had control over the distressed blond at times..

“Look, I was bored, like I told you. Wanna go somewhere since it’s the last week of vacation?” Tora implied as he took a seat on the wooden floor of the bedroom. He rested his head on one of his hands and looked directly at Shou.

"And you couldn’t mention this over the phone because?”, one of Shou’s eyebrows raised as he looked at the tall teen with a look of frustration.

“I couldn’t sleep and was bored Plus, you have this attitude on the phone if you are disturbed. So you wanna go right now?” Tora said as he stretched his oh so tired limbs. His arms reached up towards the sky in unison. There was a faint sound of bones cracking as he put down his arms.

"I have chores to do, unlike you." Shou said as he returned to the scattered papers on his desk. He took the pencil that he abandoned previously and held it with a firm grip in his shaking hand. Tora took notice of Shou’s trembling hand.

“How much coffee have you had?” Tora questioned as he got up from the floor.

“Why do you want to know? It is none of your business” Shou exclaimed with a hint of irritation

“What the hell is wrong with you? You are usually not this bratty.” Tora said. Shou’s eyes darted towards the tall figure behind him. He glared at the black haired man with his blue eyes. Suddenly Shou let out a sigh. He shook his head side to side and let out a low growl from his lips.

‘Sorry, it’s just, the stress is killing me. My parents expect so much from me this year then never before. I have to get the best grades and enter a great University. They expect so much from me. “

“University isn’t here for you until next year so relax! I have to worry.”

“And yet you are not”

‘True” Tora said as he got up from the floor and slowly walked around the room. Shou rolled his eyes and went back to paying attention to his project. Tora looked at the copious amount of books that Shou had on his many shelves. He let his fingers glide through the many titles of novels. Skimming through the names of the books and the authors, he did not recognizing any. The desire of picking a book to open and read penetrated his mind, but then he shrugged off the thought since he did not like to read novels. He had not finished a complete novel since the time of his birth.

‘Let’s go to the park” suggested Tora as he looked back at his companion. Shou looked at him once again. His face did not hold a fierce agitated gaze, but rather a placid one. He lifted himself from his desk chair and walked in the direction of a door on a wall across his bed. Tora received this action as a yes. Shou opened it and took out a hanger that held a grey jacket. He put it on himself and then returned to face Tora. He did not need to change his clothes since he wore running black pants and a white t-shirt already. His appearance looked normal enough to go outside in public.

“What about your shoes?” inquired Tora as he saw his friend’s bare feet, covered with only socks.

“A shit” Shou replied. Muttering to himself, he lazily went back to his closet. He leaned down and found a pair of converse. He went back to sitting on his chair and put them on. When he was finished he stood, took his cell phone from his desk, and headed for the window.

“It’s your fault if I die “
_______________________________________

Alright, there you go. Also, I have not finished the Harry Potter book. I will attempt to do that next week. Music has consumed my life. Reading Gackt's autobiography did it too. I still need the last section that has, what, five chapters @@ The thing is not that long though, SID and alice nine. blogs. . . Those guys are posting like crazy(dies)

Interesting sounds

2007-07-20T08:39:19Z

I am going to start ranting about music so if you do not wish to read this then please do not click on the fake cut. thank you!

Alright then. I should not be up right now. My friends is going to chop my head off when she reads this. Sorry Liz, I know I promised to go to sleep at 11;30 but what can I say? This cannot wait.

Okay, first off I watched the Premio Juventud and darn was it good! Some artist from my childhood were on tv. Ah, Christian Castro. He sang kinda bad for my taste though. He can do so much better. I love his ballads the most!

Oh, Belinda is cool. I like her fashion sense but the thing is she kinda does the Tora thing were in some attire she looks really awesome and others, yeah someone should tell her that she looks funny o.O I think Tora would enjoy her music. He needs to lose the Avril Laveigne thing he has going. I know she is cute, but darn her new song is not very nice to women out there. It is pop rock for Belinda! She is the pop rock princess of the Latin side of music!

Then there is the urban side, ah the lovely rappers/regetoneros out there! THEY rock the damn house! I wanted to dance but I was in the living room and my family members were walking and forth. And it was kinda late too. . . .

Eto, Rebelde was the closing act. They have a gay guy in the group! Parents cannot understand of having homosexuals in the world. It made me sad when my mother said she did not like them. She noticed one of the recipients of a scholarship on the show walking the gay walk as she referred to it. I asked her if she had anything against them and she said yes. I just went back to the tv, thinking about society these days. Anyways, Rebelde, They have nice costumes! Very private school going on. I think I can get into their music. Oh, there are three guys? and three girls in the group. Very nice juvenile songs.

As i was watching the awards show, I kept on noticing the new haircut for guys. It's either the mohawk or the hair where you grow hair in the middle of your head and make the aside parts short and then spike it up in some weird way. Mind you, these guys look hawt! Ah, Tora you were the first person I saw with that look on!

One guy that stood out with this look is David Bisbal. Darn, he looked like a rocker! And of course his voice is simply gorgeous! Very nice! I , miss his curls though. . . No one had curls in this event! What is happening? Are curls too old fashioned? T.T

_________________________________________________________________________

Okay now for the asian side. I might not say a lot because I am tired and want to go to bed. So here is the 411.

Me listened to Jay Chou and he is simply amazing! Piano = ♥♥♥

The new D single is OMG gorgeous. A mix of traditional Japanese flavor with lovely guitar and Asagi's voice = ♥♥♥♥ Me gonna hunt the video down on youtube!

Nya, Vidoll is love as always with Cloud, the new single!

Hehe, smile lovely SMILE , the only reason why I got the new single, ZETTAI SUMMER, is because it has a song titled "I was gay-confession-" It is pretty good. I will not say the best, but it is very amusing. Reminds me of summer, the theme of the single.

JJ Lin, is simply gorgeous, hot, and amazing songs in his new album!

D'espairsRay, I am falling in love with them! God, the vocal is awesome. They have some creepy vibe to them that sends chills up your spine and I like it! Very good music in my opinion.

Orange Range is Orange Range with a mellow flow to them on their new single.

EMYLI, on her newest single she sings in Spanish! That is a plus for me! And she sings with Verbal from m-flo! Another plus!

Eto, omg I have found MinWoo in life, again! YAY, I like his new album. Very nice and I can move to the music! It has American influence! M is back, fool! Why does it sound like Timberlake has some influence on him?
"Come on, come on girl can you feel my music" LOVE!

since m did a song with one of the members of Epik High, I am going to do some research on them!

And to top it all off with a cherry on top, there is SE7EN! Oh the hot Korean. I want to hear the American debut cd! Please come soon!

I might be forgeting artists but this is what i hve at the top of my head. I like to explore new mediums and right now i am grateful to listen to these artists . they all have their own vibe and style. I like to broden my horizons!

Oh and my Dad said that we might go to Chinatown on sunday1 Hells yeah, I
have never been there! I can go get Jay Chou and WangLee Hom! Woot!

And WangLee Hom is pure love ♥

Lovely music~

Why Oh, Damn it all Why?

2007-07-17T08:51:04Z

Damn it all! Why is the world against me right now?

I cannot understand

One hour my e-mail account lets me in to see my lovely messeges that people write in order to save me from boredom and the next, the stupid server will not let me in >.<

Stupid shit died on me. . .

Sorry for the foul language. I am stupified with this whole incident.

Tecnology is not with me today. Stupid Corel Painter killed my Shinji icon for the second time. I worked so hard on it too. . .

Is someone hacking in into my e-mails?!

My Life Seems to Stupify Me

2007-07-13T07:55:50Z

Gomen, it's late but I would like to post my life.

Today was my dad's birthday! We celebrated with chocolate cake! the thing is that my parents did not bother to tell me that company was coming over. So guess what/ After waking up like i had a hang over from last night(I did not! I went to bed at 2 am!) my mother tells me to clean the house. I did, I do not want to lose my privileges o(>.<)o

Ok so the company came and HOLY SMACKERS they were 15 people, all from the same family. I was reminded of my Mexican family lifestyle. The whole crowd of lovely relatives expanding from different branches of life~So es, it was quite entertaining. I had fun, I think.

Oh, I finally left my hikikomori lifestyle and went to the market with my father and sister! Wow, it's been a while since I did not leave the perimeter of my residence. I am pathetic, I know. I would like to go and see Harry Potter with my friends, please?

The weird part of the night, this stupid lady kept on calling my house looking for my parents. She said that we were in need of $50 thousand dollars and if we were selling the house and such. I wanted to scream at her, but hey I am a gentle type of person. I asked where the hell she called from and she said DEN or DCN? I do not know. Does anyone know these companies? I asked her what kind of company she was calling from and she totally ignored my question. I said screw it and I hanged up on her. I know it was mean. Then she kept on calling. i would press the talk and then the end button. I swear, we have a ringer outside in the washing room and that thing rang like there was no tomorrow! So yeah then i got online. Sometimes I an thankful for stupid dial-up connection. I can escaoe the phone line from ringing XD

I am tired of looking for the perfect schedule for college. My orientation is tomorrow. I have an idea of what classes I want and at what order but knowing the learning alliance, they are going to royally screw it up >.< Well, i hope it is not that bad.
I can't wait to meet new people and guess what, the Japanese classes are not full yet! YAY! Cross your fingers that I can get Japanese! My career depends on it!

Well Oyasumi minna-sacchi~, I hope I can sleep~

Kupo!

A Dream~

2007-07-12T07:52:24Z

Ok, since my friend suggested writing down the dreams I have (or was it me that said this? can't remember)here is my dreams from last night.

Dream
I was standing at the middle of an open venue. I could not tell if there were three floors, but the levels kept on rising. I looked up to see the crowd and then I felt that I grinned. I saw the audience and then the music started. I did not see myself, but rather I felt this dream in the first person. I saw everything through my eyes. Suddenly I started singing "Pink Spider" by hide.( If you have not heard it then go hear it. It is godly) I kept on thinking to myself, 'this is a great song' in my mind. I felt the energy of the crowd, I saw my hand as I moved around. I was wearing a tight black jacket from what ui could se4e. Then suddenly my dream took another perspective, I saw myself performing, but it was not me. The thing is that I was singing as a guy! A skinny guy. I could not see that well the features of the person, but yeah that was somehow me. I was confused. Then I woke up sining "Pink Spider" for the rest of the day.

Conclusion
Wow, I thought about the dream throughout the whole entire day. I dunno , but this might mean that my subconcious is saying somehting to me. A hidden desire that I have. A desire to be a guy. No I do not like the same sex, this is hard to explain. This relates to a story I once read in Ap Spanish Language where there was a girl that wanted to become a man because she wanted to protect her family. Soldiers were taking valuable possessions from her home and she could not do naything to proect her mother and her siblings. I can see this story in my own story of life. I am not being attacked. This is odd but, I want to be the opposite becuase I, in a way want to devote my life to music and not have hardships in the industry. Or this might mean that rock has infested my brain to no end. Guys have nice clothings as well. I like looking at it when I go shopping. PATRICK COX has awesome shoes for men! I like myself but there will always be a lingering desire of something far grater than I have. It feels like the feeling of getting something that you always wanted. Then after a week you want something better. The mind can never be satisfied. Now I am doubting my major in college. I am quite confused at the moment. I have no idea if this makes sense. I am sorry that I burdened you with this. I should be writing my fanfic. I might do that even if it is early in the morning. Why can;t I dream about Tora babies?! Oh, and people thank you for updating. I like to read your journals!

NYAPPY TO YOU!

Tora-san!

2007-07-10T07:21:34Z

This is pathetic, but I got a new user pic! This pic will be popular once I wake up. Hehe, also I could not dare to write a word on it. I would ruin the pic if I did. Tora is HOT! I am working on other icons as well o(^^)o

I got a new refrigerator today! It is quite nice. It has different compartments for different foods and they are even labeled!

I finished the darn second chappie of my fanfic! Yay! Now it is being edited and such.

People I need birthday lists and such from you! Yuo know who you are!

Well, good night

MERARI♪

The Bittter End of Soymilk

2007-07-07T07:58:07Z

I ran out of Soymilk. . . .

Shou-san from alice nine.

Okay so my day. I had unexpected company. I have a current headache running through me right now. Me have to finish three fanfics now. My life . . .I hope my eye does not start twitching, that thing hurts like hell. I experienced many new things through the end of my high school life. It's hot today and all the other days. Please Mr. Winter come back!

In Honor of yuuya-san

2007-07-03T15:53:59Z

the constructions workers are here to torment me. I think my neighbors are doing construction work on their drive way . . . I woke up to the sound of a falling pencil case. The walls were shaking and my bookshelf was going back and forth. . . pounding on the wall. Good thing I have the music loud, I can block the sound (smiles).(Yuuya is in the pic. Go find out who he is! I am too lazy to look for a good picture of him so why not get a look at SID? They are all gorgeous!)

Sleepy. . . I am going to take a bath and then finish my fanfic! Woot! The next thing after that is a oneshot and then I finally get to work on my a9 fanfic! The first one that I wrote got deleted. . .(cries). For some reason I stared reading Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at 2 am in the morning. . .

Disruptive music!

2007-06-28T18:21:57Z

Ohayo Honey! (makes more sense at the top, ne?)

Well, let's see. I went to deliver my info to my friend so she can give it to my other friend so she can pick up my badge for the anime expo. Yes, i know it sounds confusing. Hehe, I can't wait for the expo! I have to clean my room now, or else I might not go (sigh)

Oh, I am being influenced. I got out the Fall Out Boy CD my friend gave me and put it on my iTunes. Why? Becasue Shou posted up on his blog that he liked them because Tora and Nao-san said they sounded good. And life goes on. . .They are good. I saw them perform on the Ellen show I believe at the start of this year.

Well gotta go clean now. . . . (cries)

Also, I have notcied that I am making less typoes on my journal entries. I was reading my previous ones are they are horrid (- -:)

How will you be suspended from LJ? by Anonymous LJ User
Username
Years on LJ
Snape
Hours left until your suspension	47
Your crime	Aberforth/Frank the Goat fanart.
Who reported you	chantrea_johari
Your fate	One word: MySpace.